Weird dreams...

I was just starting a new job at Microsoft and the whole day was spent trying to figure out what I actually do. There were so many people - it was crowded down there and felt more like an underground mall than a workplace. There was a clothing store full of men's and women's suits, blouses, nylons and pumps in black, gray, brown and a lot of people shopping, pushing past each other all wearing the clothes I saw for sale. Do they ever leave?

There were movie theatres and concert halls and somewhat of a party vibe going on, like, "isn't it great that we practically live here?!"

It kinda freaked me out. It was such an artificial atmosphere and I couldn't believe everyone was buying it.

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In real life, my mother has been ill recently and was hospitalized. Living far away from her has been stressful because I fear her dying suddenly. In this dream, she came to visit me.

"What are you doing here," I asked her.

"I just came to give you a hug." And she embraced me.

Somehow this was really disturbing and I woke wondering if that was her spirit coming to say goodbye. I've had psychic dreams before about things happening to my family. It was 3 am and I had to hold myself back from calling her at that moment to make sure she was okay.

I talked to her later, and she's fine. She said she was probably cold and likes my hugs so maybe she came to hug me to get warm!

Job Search

The dear Husband is working hard - phone calls to supportive friends with information about this or that company, recommendations from others, web research on companies hiring for his particular skill set and getting details on who pays more where, and creating new works to target companies he would like to work for.

It's like killing a moose with salt peter.

"more fantasy, more sci-fi, not enough zombies" - I guess being a diverse artist is more of a problem than one would imagine. I mean, who knew being able to draw a sexy pin-up model with the same skill as a tank or Beast of Another Dimension would be a drawback?

Having him at home is a mixed blessing, too. He's helpful with Jack, taking him for walks in the morning, playing with him during the day, helping change diapers or taking over if I need a break.

But all that takes away from his job search. Jack is often very loud, which makes it hard for Ray to concentrate on new paintings. So I have to devise free things to do for hours on end in between Jack's erratic nap times to get out of the house. It's easier when the weather's decent but when it's cold and rainy out, I just wish we had a working fireplace and a nanny so I could read in bed all day.

So, someone - please hire my husband. He's experienced, talented, works smart and gets along with just about everybody. Yes, I'm a little biased, but just look at his work and when you get your socks back on, call or email him. You'll be glad you did. And so will I.

Halloween Mourning...

I haven't finished my altar. The pictures aren't hung, I can't even find marigolds anywhere or any of my favorite special things for honoring this very special time. I keep meaning to paint the jizos and tweak this or that and just don't.

I miss my crafty self. Will she come back? Can't I just have a eensy bit of Martha?

I no heart hackers.

thank you, hacker butt head. Thank you for hijacking a friend's msn messenger account and sending a link that ruined our hard drive, making inaccessible all of our photos for the past 4 - 5 years of our life, quite a lot of my husband's work and much more. Thanks for just being a real jerk. Too bad I am not as nasty as you, that I can't find you and string you up for a halloween decoration like I feel you deserve.

But I will let the universe deal with you, twit. You'll wonder why all the chicks you try to date never answer your call, or the ones you do will give you STDs. Yeah, buddy. Have fun out there. If you think the world's kicking you in the balls, that's because you've taped a sign on your own back that says "kick me!"

Hackers = Wankers

A pox on all your parent's basement, since you'll be there for a while.

A night away...

I had planned a super secret special surprise for my honey's birthday. You see, all he said he wanted was a good night's sleep. So, I booked a babysitter (Awesomest Fairy Godmommy Tamara!) and found a great deal on an apartment for the night through a friend's corporate housing company.

I planned a dinner and breakfast and pre-prepped what I could while he was at work. I packed a bag with all the essentials including candles, sparkling french wine and strawberries, bought flowers, and hid everything in the garages. I planned my beard (dinner with friends at our house and a last minute craigslist purchase/pick up that he had to come with. Don't worry - the baby's okay with Tamara for a few minutes.

The idea was that I would drive to the place, knock on the door a few times, then pull out the key and open it to rose petals, mood lighting and soft music. "Surprise! Here's your good night's sleep! Of course, you'll have to work for it..." *seductive grin*

But when Honey bunny got laid off Friday, he started to spin wildly saying, I don't want to go out or have fun. I've got too much stuff to think about.

Uh oh.

So I spilled the beans.

And you know what? He was so happy and surprised and excited... He kept telling me how he was looking forward to it all day. It seemed to make him more relaxed about facing a job search. And today, after an evening of fun and a good night's rest, Honey Bunny emerged refreshed and excited with a focused plan and renewed resolve.

Unfortunately, it means we'll probably have to lose the cable TV. Clean House! What will I do without you!

the best laid plans...

Ray got laid off today. No warning - well, a little, but he was getting the sideways talks from the owner saying, good thing you're going to this other team. That's the place to be. Basically, he lied to give Ray a false feeling of security during an awkward time.

Then today they are told to clean out their desks.

Part of me wants to call the owner and say, why Ray? You know we have a baby - you gave us the freakin' crib! Well, at least if we lose our home, we can turn the crib over, put a tarp on it and call it home.

But then, I realized they are worse off than we are. C_ mortgaged his house to the hilt to personally finance one of the projects when the incoming money from investors trickled away. Now, he could lose everything including their brand new kitchen with a single piece of marble slap large enough for at least 4 autopsies at a time. And flawlessly white. Beautiful, just beautiful. I wonder what his wife will say. I wonder about their 4 kids and horses and chickens and fancy cars.

Enough about them. He screwed his own family as much as he's screwed mine and I'm angry.

Desprerate times...

... call for desperate measures. And 2:45 am is decidedly a desperate time when the baby has us up every 1/2 hour to 1 1/2 hours and crying, crying anytime we put him in the crib. Finally I put on a jacket, grabbed my keys and the baby and said, we're going for a drive.

It's interesting to see what 24 hour drive thru's are actually open. McDonald's had lots of "24 hour DRIVE THRU signgs, but nobody was home. Not my first choice, but it was close and the fries aren't too dangerous. Starbucks wasn't likely to have the sandwiches I like and coffee was not what I needed. So Jack in the Box won out. By the way, the ice cream shakes are thick. Better hold out for a warm day on that one before you pop a blood vessel sucking so hard. Breakfast sandwich was pretty good, but not as good as Starbucks.

After all this searching, baby JackJack was still cooing, albeit quietly, in his seat while we cranked up KEXP friday night dance party. DaftPunk usually puts him right out but these were extenuating circumstances.

We finally hit the highway, and drove to Seattle. Might as well have a pretty drive while we are lulling our baby to sleep, right? And no, neither of us made the joke. One might have struck the other, or worse, turned up the electronic beat box louder.

An hour and half later, we were home. Baby transferred soundly asleep to crib and slept for at least another hour before waking us bemoaning his soul-deep loneliness and burning desire for our company.

C'est la vivre, eh? And through it all, I can still look at him, now smiling and discovering and boundless and love him. And you know, I didn't once imagine what he might taste like. A move up!