Sunday, September 21, 2008

mom's night out...

I'm visiting friends, the "village" I'd planned on raising my children with. It's been so much fun and sweet and really cool in that way that being around the people who know you best only can be. The friend I'm staying with has a daughter just 27 hours older than my son which is very special to both of us. In the past few days, we've nursed and soothed each other's babies in ways that makes me feel somewhat lonely in my life in the PNW.

This is the first night I've really gone out and not had to come home to a baby at all. The husband took all the kids to "Baby Island," a resort of sorts which is the home of another friend. The two husbands watched the 9 and 7 year old, a 19 month and 2 9 month old babies. They win awards in my book.

I've been tempted to call but I really don't want to .. I don't want to know that my son is freaking out or that he's really just fine without me. These husbands are so conscientious, I know they are taking great care of my son. But the image of Jack screaming and crying, holding his hand out to me as they drove away is haunting me. And I had to pump and throw away the breast milk - over 16 oz - to relieve myself and because I'd been drinking. It was so strange yet felt like the right thing. I only regret not putting it to some other use, if possible...

So now I go to an empty bed and I can't imagine sleeping on my own. No husband, no baby, so I post. Go to sleep already!!

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