Sunday, October 07, 2007

30 weeks now...

Here's the belly as of 10/5/07. I love our little digicams (courtesy Bobbo and Donna - thanks!) because they have this cool feature where you flip the lens around to take self portraits - very fun! I just wish I had slightly longer arms.

Everybody asks "how are you feeling?" And for the most part, I'm feeling great. I also feel huge, exhausted, and generally prefer to be horizontal watching old episodes of Macgyver, A-Team or Monk. But I walk the dogs everyday, or almost everyday if it isn't a total downpour and that helps.

I really miss being able to be active - going on long hikes in the rain is a wonderful thing to do here. I love the smell of the woods when it rains and everything perks up so nicely. Plus under the tree canopy, it isn't raining as hard - you can just enjoy it. But I find my heart races at the slightest exertion and I get paranoid that I'll rupture my aorta and bleed out before I can even call 911. I read it somewhere and it terrifies me.

But after a little www research, I feel better. Aortic ruptures are not very common during pregnancy and mostly have to do with women who have one of a few syndromes for which I am not at risk. Ah, much better now. But honeyman says he still doesn't want me hiking around carrying med kits at events with terrain that is anything other than flat and larger than a few blocks. (I volunteer doing first aid with the Red Cross at local events - mostly street fairs or running events.)

It's funny the things that scare me - aortic ruptures, losing my man - especially losing my man. How would I raise my son without him? Where would I live? How could I adjust the dreams of the life I'm building with my husband to surviving and raising a son? I would - I know I would, but I don't want to. I really don't.

So, raise your glass to the naming of the Fear. Here's to the belief that calling it out shrinks it to bits - diaspora on the wind, diluted and scattered far and away. Good - let's call it a day.

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